


The Only Exception

by carnationsandroses



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss of Faith, M/M, Panic Attacks, Religion, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 09:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11288649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnationsandroses/pseuds/carnationsandroses
Summary: Everyone says that love hurts but that is not true. Lonliness is what hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts. Everyone confuses these things with love, but in reality, love is the one thing in this world that can cover up all of the pain and make us feel wonderful again.





	The Only Exception

Antonio ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. 11years old. That was when he saw it for the first time, when he finally noticed. For 11 years he hadn’t noticed his mom gaining new bruises. He never knew it wasn’t just him that  _ he _ attacked. He wasn’t ever blamed for not noticing. Even though his father told him it was God’s wish. It was what God wanted. 

_ “God knows this is how to fix you Antonio. God has come to me and told me that you’ll learn from your mistakes as long as I teach you this way” _

Antonio prayed every single day, prayed at church, prayed at home, begged for God to forgive him so that his father would stop. When he was 11 years old he found out that his father hit his mother as well. And when he was caught he was locked in the basement and left for a week. He was told that it was his fault his mother was hit. It was all his fault. He started to believe it too. He started to believe that it was all his fault that his mother was hit and he started to pray even more.

Eventually, he started to believe that there was no God. 17 years old, and he was still being blamed for everything. The worst part about it was, when she passed away, when he killed her, he still blamed Antonio for it. For 5 years Antonio believed that he was the reason his mother had died. On Antonio’s 18th birthday Antonio moved in with his best friend, Gilbert. He was scared to move in with him, scared that Gilbert was going to blame him if he did something wrong. He had been raised for 18 years upon the notion that everything that went wrong was his fault. 

Gilbert knew about the pain on Antonio. He knew that his father would hit him and locked him away. But he never knew the extent. He never knew that a simple wrong move would send Antonio into a full-fledged panic attack. He never knew that Antonio had given up on Love years ago. He never knew that because of his parents Love was nothing more than a broken word. 

He found out pretty quickly though. After only a month of living with him, Gilbert had told Antonio off for coming home so late. Antonio immediately fell to the ground, apologising and going on about how he would apologise to God and mama and begging not to be hit. It was around then that he realised what it was. It was that moment that made him really see how terrible it all had been. He kneeled down next to the curled up Spaniard. 

“I’m sorry papá please don’t hit me again. Please, I’m sorry. I’ll be good” Antonio whispered, not even realising that it was Gilbert, not Antonio that kneeled next to him. 

“Tonio shh” Gilbert whispered. “Tonio it’s okay I’m not your dad. I’m sorry I snapped, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” 

Antonio looked up at Gilbert and finally seemed to realise that he was okay. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. He quickly hugged the albino close to him, burying his face in his best friend’s neck. “I’m so sorry Gil” he whispered. “I’m so sorry”

Gilbert hugged him back gently. “Shh Tonio it’s okay,” he whispered. He just held him for a moment, rubbing his back to make sure he calmed down. “Come on let’s go get in bed, I’ll make breakfast in the morning. You’ll never see him again Antonio I promise” He whispered. “I’ll never let him hurt you” He assured. 

Antonio nodded and stood up, trembling softly as he walked towards their bedroom. He flopped into the bed and curled up, pulling the blankets closer to himself. It didn’t take the Spaniard long to fall asleep. He was exhausted. He was out so late was because he had a therapy appointment after work. He still didn’t think it was helping, in fact, it only seemed to make everything worse. He wanted to stop going. But he was scared that Emma would tell people of him if he did. He was scared to leave. She was the only person who he’d told about his fear of love. How he believed it couldn’t possibly be real. 

Emma insisted that she would help him see that love could save him. Not the love of a boyfriend or girlfriend, no, it was the love of his friends that could save him. But even then, Antonio didn’t believe he could love his friends. He knew deep down he adored Gilbert and was so incredibly grateful for the Albino taking care of him, but he would never say the word love again. Not since he last said it to his mother as he begged her not to leave him.

As much as Antonio wants to believe that there is no God, he prays deep down that his mother is with God. A God that will fix her and make her like she used to be. A God that makes her happy. He desperately hopes that he can get better for her sake because he knows that is what she would want. That is why Antonio still goes to therapy, that is why Antonio hasn’t tried to jump every time he crossed the bridge to get home. Because he knows that his mom has to be up there somewhere, watching him and hoping that he gets better. 

Antonio didn’t sleep well that night, haunted by nightmares. It’s been a month straight of these awful nightmares, haunting him. They would always start simple, calm. Always on the couch with Gilbert and Francis. Antonio would be smiling brightly. Then the door would burst open and Antonio would be forced to choose between his friends and himself getting beaten endlessly. He always chooses himself. Antonio didn’t want to smile. He was afraid that if he smiled he would be broken down again. He wasn’t supposed to smile. God doesn’t let bad kids smile.   
Antonio knew deep down that he should work to forget those moments with his father, learn to forget that his father never really loved him. He should learn that love is real and can save him from the hell that is his life. But Antonio doesn’t want to learn. Antonio wants to be afraid. Antonio knows that being afraid is being safe.

“Tonio? Tonio I made breakfast come on now it’s time to get up” He could hear a soft whisper, a familiar voice. At first, it sounded like his mom, first came the sound, then the sight. He saw a light, saw his mom, saw her calling for him. Then he sat straight up in the bed and saw Gilbert. He cried out, tears pooling down his cheeks. “My fault” he whimpered. “it’s my fault she’s gone” he sobbed.

Gilbert looked at Antonio and gasped. he shook his head and wrapped his arms around the Spaniard. “Shh, no it’s not Antonio. I swear to whatever is left of your faith in anything. Please, it’s not your fault. Antonio, it’s not your fault. It was never your fault. Nothing he ever did to you was your fault” he whispered, holding his friend closer. “I swear it was never your fault”

Antonio sobbed into the Prussian’s arms, burying his face deep in his chest. “I’m so sorry” He whispered. “Does she know how sorry I am? How could she possibly know? I never got to tell her I was sorry. I told her I loved her. What if she didn’t believe me” he choked out.

“Antonio, Tonio, No” Gilbert rested his hand on Antonio’s cheek. “Listen to me,” he whispered. “She loved you with ever inch of her being, every fibre,” he whispered. “She knows you loved her, she knows it wasn’t your fault. She knows that you have nothing to be sorry for” he assured. “Come on, let’s go get you some breakfast” he whispered softly.

Antonio looked up at Gilbert and sniffled. He gave a nod, standing up again to follow after him. He reached out to grab Gilbert’s hand, squeezing it in his own. “Thank you Gilbert” he whispered softly. “Thank you so so much” he hugged the albino tight for a moment before letting go to sit down at the table. He pulled his plate closer, putting the food on it and beginning to eat. 

“Oh Toni” Gilbert whispered in return. He nodded, hugging him back before sitting across from him. “If only I could do more for you” he was barely speaking. He didn’t want Antonio to hear. He really did wish he could go back in time, stop this from happening to Antonio. The Spaniard didn’t deserve this pain. Gilbert just desperately hopes that he can help Antonio smile again.


End file.
